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Mechas Do It Better
Goal Mecha-Hermes.png
Story type
Character Goal
Lrrr Strikes Back
Previous Goal
Major Upgrade

Part 1


Mecha-Hermes confronts a problem.



  • 50 Weed 75 XP


Mecha-Hermes Mecha-Hermes shall now crush the Omicronians in single combat. Take me to the nearest gladiatorial forum.

Bender What, like the Roman Coliseum? That's about 5000 miles away and 3000 years ago.

Mecha-Hermes Surely there is a nearby arena where two warriors can maul each other with no holds barred until one inevitably dies?

Bender Ah, what you want is a bar.

Bender Where were you? I nearly got killed in that bar fight!

Mecha-Hermes Mecha-Hermes was busy doing the robolimbo under a corner table.

Bender The robolimbo?! What happened to mauling our enemies to death?

Mecha-Hermes I am a master of both disaster and robolimbo. But my operating system can only handle one thread at a time.

Part 2


Mecha-Hermes does some cost-analysis.



  • 50 Weed 75 XP


Mecha-Hermes Not only can I decimate Omicronians, but with my new software, I can more efficiently manage our company resources.

Bachelor Fry Wow! Even as an exciting giant robot, you still find a way to be boring.

Mecha-Hermes Mecha-Hermes resents your slam. He has many amazing powers...

Mecha-Hermes Including the ability to find new ways to be boring!

Mecha-Hermes I have been running a cost-benefit analysis on the staff. You come in dead last.

Bachelor Fry No fair! You didn't account for my many intangible contributions to the company!

Mecha-Hermes The only intangibles you have are the contents of your underwear.

Mecha-Hermes And if I included them, it would only lower your score.

Part 3


Mecha-Hermes does not sleep.



  • 50 Weed 75 XP


The Professor Heremes, you're expending way too much energy. Your body is in dire need of rest.

Mecha-Hermes Nonsense! My robot body requires no rest -- merely a complete battery recharge.

The Professor But whenever we plug you in, you start streaming movies in 128k and you never recharge!

Mecha-Hermes Mecha-Hermes WILL find out how Stella got her groove back, and no one can stop me.

The Professor At the rate you're consuming power, your body is in danger of meltdown.

Mecha-Hermes Then install a heat sink on the surface of my casing.

The Professor Where? Every square inch of your body is already heat-sunk!

Mecha-Hermes There is a large flat area on my ass.

Mecha-Hermes Way above my pay grade, Mecha-Hermes.

Part 4


Mecha-Hermes disrupts his coworkers.


  • Have Mecha-Hermes Shop for Oil (6h 0m 0s)
  • Have Amy Plug Her Noseholes (4h 0m 0s)


  • 50 Weed 75 XP


Amy Ew, gross! What are you doing?

Mecha-Hermes I'm getting my oil changed.

Amy You're changing your own oil? At the office? That's wildly inappropriate!

Mecha-Hermes I don't see you complaining when the printer changes its own toner.

Mecha-Hermes Printers have different cultural norms than we do!

The Professor The company took a vote, and we want the old Hermes back!

Mecha-Hermes Mecha-Hermes concurs. I will restore myself to my old body.

The Professor That was easy! What made you change your mind?

Mecha-Hermes My psychocybernetic circuitry fails to react as expected to certain organic substances.

Mecha-Hermes To put it another way, it is impossible to achieve mecha-mellow.

See also[]