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Kentucky Fried Justice
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{{Infobox Goal | image=Goal Hyper-Chicken.png | story_type=Character }} '''{{PAGENAME}}''' is one of the [[goals]] in [[{{Gamename}}]]. It is the personal character goal of [[Hyper-Chicken]] and unlocks upon purchase of him. {{Goal Parts | part_number=1 | description=Hyper-Chicken ups his lawyer game. | action1=Hyper-Chicken, Make Closing Argument | rewards_currency=300 nixon | rewards_xp=200 }} === Story === {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| In conclusion, Your Honor, the evidence vaguely suggests my client is innocent of at least some of these charges. If you squint at it.}} {{Dialogue|professor| That closing argument was terrible, Hyperchicken! Lucky for you I'm a professor, not a judge, and this is a kitchen, not a courtroom. And the Jurors--}} {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| Oh dear Lord! I've been addressin' a jury of eleven secret herbs and spices!}} ---- {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| Well, I lost my case. But I won't let 35 losses in a row get me down. I'm gonna dedicate myself to becomin' a better lawyer!}} {{Dialogue|amy| That's the spirit! I'm sure if you go back to law school and brush up a little--}} {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| I-say-I-say-WHAT? There's schools for lawyers?!}} {{Goal Parts | part_number=2 | description=Hyper-Chicken dusts himself off. | action1=Hyper-Chicken, Preen Himself | rewards_currency=300 nixon | rewards_xp=200 }} === Story === {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| I spent all night studyin' and now I know the law like the back of my wing. Go on, ask me anythin'.}} {{Dialogue|fry| Okay. What does "civil procedure" mean?}} {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| Objection, Your Honor! Irrelevant! I move for immediate dismissal of all charges against my client!}} {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| I mostly been studyin' courtroom antics.}} ---- {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| How do you think my cross-examination went?}} {{Dialogue|amy| Pretty well, until you stopped questioning the witness and started preening. What happened?}} {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| I couldn't let the prosecution see they'd ruffled my feathers, could I?}} {{Goal Parts | part_number=3 | description=Hyper-Chicken looks for clients. | action1=Hyper-Chicken, Offer Representation | action2=Fry, Get Electrified | rewards_currency=300 nixon | rewards_xp=200 }} === Story === {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| I say, young man, you look like you could use the services of a full-fledged lawyer.}} {{Dialogue|fry| Why would I need a lawyer?}} {{Dialogue|hyper-chicken| I'm sorry, I just assumed that a man of your obvious intellect must've been sold the Brooklyn Bridge several times.}} {{Dialogue|fry| Nope. Just once. And Bender promised the deed's in the mail.}} ---- {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|I don't understand why I'm havin' so much trouble attractin' new clients.}} {{dialogue|fry|Probably because nobody wants to be represented by a bird.}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|That can't be it. Atticus Finch has all the clients he can handle.}} {{Goal Parts | part_number=4 | description=Hyper-Chicken works on his negotiation. | action1=Hyper-Chicken, Negotiate a plea deal | action2=The Professor, Use the Finglonger | rewards_currency=300 nixon | rewards_xp=200 }} === Story === {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|I got some plea deals to negotiate. Got any advice for me?}} {{dialogue|fry|Well, it's probably a bad idea to open by admitting your client is guilty.}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|Hmm... There's a Kentucky kernel of truth in what you say. But ever'body knows I only represent guilty clients. It says so on my business card.}} {{dialogue|fry|Yeah, I'd also suggest you not show that card to the prosecutors.}} ---- {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|Now that's what I call a job well done! I negotiated my client's sentence from a six-piece bucket o' months to a two-year grilled combo special!}} {{dialogue|professor|If I understand you correctly, you quadrupled your client's sentence.}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|A two-year sentence PLUS a complimentary electrocution. That's what makes it a grilled combo special!}} {{Goal Parts | part_number=5 | description=Hyper-Chicken aims to win by any means. | action1=Hyper-Chicken, Misrepresent his client | action2=Amy, Hang out with bad boys | rewards_currency=300 nixon | rewards_xp=200 }} === Story === {{dialogue|Amy|Hyper-Chicken, you've got a trial in the morning. Shouldn't you be preparing?}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|Don't need to, Amy. I'm guaranteed to win! You see, I'm representin' both parties!}} {{dialogue|Amy|I'm no lawyer, but isn't that a conflict of interest?}} {{dialogue|Hyper-chicken|My main interest is in winnin' so where's the conflict?}} ---- {{dialogue|professor| [missing, fill in]}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|No, the charge is obstruction of the HALL of Justice, by parking on its lawn. I'm looking at a fine of 35 to 50 dollars.}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|So I've already reduced the charges! No need to thank me. In lieu of my usual fee. I'll settle for a handful of grain.}} {{Goal Parts | part_number=6 | description=Hyper-Chicken settles for himself. | action1=Hyper-Chicken, Settle out of court | action2=Amy, Get ripped off | rewards_currency=300 nixon | rewards_xp=200 }} === Story === {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|I reckon I better face facts. I'm never gonna fulfill my dream of appearin' before the Supreme Court.}} {{dialogue|Amy|Never say never, Hyper-Chicken! Someday you might be the defendant in a federal legal malpractice case!}} {{dialogue|Hyper-chicken|No, Amy, I'll be happen even if it's just a state malpractice case.}} ---- {{dialogue|fry|So you're okay with being just an okay lawyer?}} {{dialogue|Hyper-Chicken|Well, boy, like my daddy always said, a man's gotta know when to settle.}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|I'll never forget what he told me on his deathbed...}} {{dialogue|hyper-chicken|"Help, son! They're dippin' me in batter!}} ==See Also== *[[Goals]] *[[Hyper-Chicken]]
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